Emily Race-Newmark: [00:00:00] Welcome to This is How We Care, a podcast where we look at what it means to embody care, not as an individual practice, but a collective one, and to see what kind of world emerges from this place.

Thank you for being here. I am your host, Emily Race.

This grounding practice is a love letter brought to you by James-Olivia Chu Hillman. You can listen to our full interview over at that separate episode wherever you tune into our podcast. 

If you're able, allow yourself the next couple of moments to transition to a space of receptivity.

Shut out any external distractions. And pause this recording if it allows you more spaciousness to get into a comfortable place.

With that, I'll joyfully pass it over to James-Olivia, who will read us this love letter she wrote as an offering to ground into what's [00:01:00] ours and release the rest. 

James-Olivia: I will read a love letter that I wrote to myself this morning. So y'all are getting it before anybody else. I am just coming off the page to come here. 

So a letter to myself, and perhaps this will be a grounding moment for somebody else or not grounding at all. And that's entirely up to what's happening inside you. 

Beloved human, declare yourself. This is terrible advice. It may not go well. There will be consequences either way. Decisions always come with consequences. 

So does indecision. Declare yourself. You will be misunderstood, sometimes casually and unintentionally, and also sometimes violently and on purpose.

Someone will cherry pick your message and agree wholeheartedly, erasing all nuance and missing any words or phrases that might stir their discomfort. Someone will take a point out of [00:02:00] context and attempt to argue with you, sometimes with puzzlement, sometimes with vitriol, against a thing you did not even say.

Someone will agree, someone will disagree, either with what you said or what they assumed you said. Someone will put your name on and attempt to fight publicly with their own misunderstandings. Let them. If someone is in the business of making personal wars and petty skirmishes rooted in their failure or refusal to understand and their desire to impose upon others the rigidity of their judgments and opinions, you do not have to join them in that sorry and futile business.

Although you can if it scratches an itch. This will also have consequences. You are not in the business of willful misunderstanding. You are not in the business of perpetuating conflict. You are not in the business of gatekeeping grace. Mind your business and do what you came to do. 

Emily Race-Newmark: Want to respond as an individual person who really resonates with that and also so grateful that you are sharing this piece with [00:03:00] us, which I feel like is an honor. [Laughter] 

do you want to share any context behind it, or do you want to let the words speak for themselves? 

James-Olivia: The context for me and the context in which somebody else receives it will probably be two very different contexts. And the one for me is, the way that I write and the way that I share, specifically on social media, often comes with it a variety of responses, not all of them to what I actually said. I have to remember what is my business to be about. And it's not to make anybody else understand. I have no business in anybody else's head trying to get them to understand me. They can or they can't. They will or they won't. Those are very different things.

And if I spend my time endlessly trying to be understood, by people who are not resources for understanding, I will not actually be about my business. It's a completely different job to be understood than it is to declare [00:04:00] yourself. 

Emily Race-Newmark: Amazing. Thank you. Thank you again. 

James-Olivia: My pleasure. 

Emily Race-Newmark: Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this practice, you can check out the full episode with James-Olivia, where we'll speak about how we might orient ourselves in our relationships rooted in framing like this. I hope to see you there.