Full Transcript of this episode:

Emily Race  0:12  

Welcome to the Founding Mothers podcast, where we're imagining new ways of living with one another on our planet. I'm your host, Emily Race.

Today, we have a one of a kind of episode to kick off the season. I am being interviewed this time by Bobbie Breckenridge. Bobbie is a transformational coach, healer, and performing artist, who's a graduate of the Team Management and Leadership program, a rigorous two-year communication and coaching training, as well as the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and holistic health coaching program. Bobbie facilitates individuals and groups in living the lives of their dreams through structure, accountability, love, healing, and magic.

There's no better person to interview me than Bobbie, because Bobbie has been my coach and good friend for a number of years now. In many ways, she is a key part of this podcast coming to life, because she held the space and the container for me for this idea to come to fruition.

Without further ado, you're about to listen to a conversation where Bobbie's asking me a lot of questions about who I am, where the conception of this podcast came from, and what listeners can look forward to for the season ahead. It was a fun one to record, a little unusual for me to be answering the questions, but I had a lot of fun with it. I'm excited for everyone to jump right into season one with us. 

Well, welcome everyone to the very first Founding Mothers Podcast. I'm so excited for today's inaugural episode because I have with me, Bobbie Breckinridge, who is of many things, she's a dear friend, but also a performing artist, a transformational coach, and one of the co-founders of the very illuminating Clit Talk Podcast, which everyone should check out. Thank you, Bobbie, for being here today and turning the tables and interviewing me.

Bobbie Breckenridge  1:59  

Oh my gosh, Emily, I am so honored to be here today, interviewing the creatrix of the Founding Mothers podcast. And I love that your podcast is launching right as you launch into motherhood. 

Emily Race  2:17  

Mm, yeah. 

Bobbie Breckenridge  2:18  

Let's just begin with what got you here. Could you share a bit about your background and your journey up until this point?

Emily Race  2:29  

Absolutely. Well, I do actually want to start with what you highlighted, which is, I am a new mother myself. When I first received the Founding Mothers idea — it came to me in this “downloaded” thought— I was not pregnant, I was not a mother. It was around the time that I had met my now husband, so it was years before that was even a reality for me.

That initial whisper of “the founding mothers”, was more of a question that I was left pondering, which is, “who are the founding mothers?” And for those of us who are from the United States, you may be familiar with the Founding Fathers and their prominence in our history books, and the origin story of the United States as we know it.

I was really intrigued to understand, who would the founding mothers be? What kind of society would they create? And so that was a thread that I started pulling for several years. I came across a wonderful mentor whose advice was, “Don't try to force it to be anything. Why don't you just follow it as a creative project?” And so that then led to the conception of the Founding Mothers podcast as a way to explore this question that came to me years ago.

Bobbie Breckenridge  3:49  

I love that; and who were you? What were you up to that this was even of interest to you?

I really know you as somebody who is what I think of as an “evolved feminist”. I'm wondering if you can share with the audience, where did you come from and what kind of journey were you on, previous to Founding Mothers, previous to motherhood.

Emily Race  4:21  

That could be a full episode in itself, but I'll see how to streamline as best to my ability. My journey into feminism actually began about eight years ago, when I was coming to terms with the fact that I was really in what I labeled my “masculine energy,” rather than my feminine energy. And these terms were some things that were introduced to me by living in Los Angeles, going to different workshops and things and I really resonated with this idea that “Oh, I have built an identity around working really hard, being independent, pushing and fighting and planning and producing.” That's a huge part of who I still am today, but this energy of mine also did not want to ask for help, did not want to allow magic to happen. It was all about “how can I control and force things?”

That later propelled me to explore being in community with other women more often. I would facilitate women's circles, women's gatherings, women's camping trips, all different ways of communing with women. I found that it was so powerful to be in a space with one another, share stories, and feel seen and heard by one another.

This then later evolved into another, I would say, awakening, that I had around my own identity as a white woman in the United States and the racial privilege that I had. I took several years of unlearning and relearning and then actually diving into the diversity, equity, inclusion space within the corporate world. So again, that facilitation/coach part of me was really activated, as was the person who wanted to unlearn and relearn and help other people have these conversations as well.

All of that comes together when this founding mothers question came to mind, because one thing that I'm certain of, is I don't want to bucket it exclusively into this gender identity, “there's one way to be a mother”, or “there's one gender identity” or “a certain racial identity” or any composition of who a founding mother should be. Rather, I want to keep it open-ended to discover, “what are the different ways that mothering/motherhood shows up for all of us, regardless of how we identify, whether it's an energy, a way of being, an archetype to fall into”. And just as importantly, to include the mothers in this conversation and open the aperture into different types of mothers, versus one standardized fit.

There are many other things that happened along my journey, but I highlight those specifically, because each are these chapters in my life, where I opened my mind in ways that were truly transformational, and have influenced the way that I'm approaching this podcast.

Bobbie Breckenridge  7:31  

I love how this was inspired by the thought of “who would the founding mothers be?” And I'm curious, because it's based in a very historical terminology, the “founding fathers”, do you feel like we've had founding mothers up until this point throughout history, and they just simply haven't been named or known?

Emily Race  8:00  

Oh, absolutely. Unfortunately, that's not the focus of the podcast. I say, unfortunately, because if that's what people are looking for, they won't necessarily get that content here.

My focus is more on the present moment and the future that we're creating. I think what you're hitting on is correct, that there are so many stories of women and mothers who were responsible for a number of innovations or the the world that we experienced today.

But what I'm really more curious about is, who are the founding mothers today and what new world is being birthed now? Knowing that there's a lot of things about our present society, in the United States that isn't working. But rather than just saying stuck on that, and focusing on that, and even being in this victim mindset around it, like “there's nothing I can do”, we can be empowered and inspired to look at what is possible.

Bobbie Breckenridge  8:57  

It sounds like it's really coming from a place of a new beginning; who are the founding mothers, beginning now? And the creation of a new paradigm for the society. Beautiful.

What's your vision for how Founding Mothers is going to impact this world?

Emily Race  9:22  

That's part of the discovery with this particular project, with the podcast, is to start to uncover what that vision could be. What feels so important to me is that there are many voices weaving that vision, there's many different perspectives and identities weaving that vision to fruition, rather than that solely coming from me. That's something I wanted to state upfront, as you listen to the upcoming season and the upcoming conversations that it's not about “there's one right way, one right vision”, but rather all these different pieces of a vision, weaving together into a beautiful tapestry that hopefully will resonant with our listeners and inspire new visions to be birthed from there.

To answer your question directly, I would say my vision is one of collaboration and co-creation, with multiple different identities speaking those visions into reality.

Bobbie Breckenridge  10:19  

I'm so excited that we are getting to start this series off with you. I'm so glad you created the space for this episode to happen instead of jumping right into everyone else. I really feel like that's part of the new paradigm for female identifying people in this world, is actually starting, centered in ourselves, and then going out and being of service and contribution and reflection to everything else around us.

I'm grateful to you for creating this space for us to get into who you are in your life, as part of the tapestry of what's going to be created in this podcast as it rolls out.

I think one of the most interesting pieces of this is that this began before motherhood was really a feature in your life, and I find it fascinating that we are recording this inaugural episode at a time when you have just given birth to a beautiful daughter. The story is so miraculous that you came to birth your very first child, naturally at home, with only your husband and baby present. Could you share with us that story?

Emily Race  12:00  

Sure. My husband and I laughed at how this is an example of manifesting at work, because we had intentions set, knowing that birth is a wild experience, you cannot control it. That's the feminine at play; there are things that will just show up, and we're going to do our best to set intention and create the right space, to the best of our ability, and also know that things will go the way they go.

One of our intentions was to have a natural home birth with as little interference as possible, to welcome our child into the world as a family so that with their first breath of oxygen, they would be like, “Oh, this is my family, this is my home”. My husband wanted to catch our child, and I was totally on board with that and excited about it. And so all those things went into our “intention pot”.

And then what ended up happening is, my labor kicked off on a Tuesday night around 10 o'clock, and then progressed pretty quickly through to the next morning. The doula came to the house and checked in on me, and from her perspective, I was looking like I had hours to go, because I was sleeping in between my contractions and my contractions were spacing out. I never got checked for dilation or anything because my water had already broken, and I wanted to be cautious of sticking anything up there and the risks of infection with that. So she was really going off of the external situation, and all signs pointed to a labor that would go into into the next round of night.

So she left. And it was just my husband and I there and he was by my side as I was sleeping in between these contractions. When I woke up, I had a big contraction, and my water broke again. I was like, “This baby's coming.” And so it was in that moment where I felt the baby making their grand arrival that the doula had left for basically a 20-30 minute window of time to get lunch.

I waddled to the bathroom, where I was feeling a sensation of having to bear down. I thought, “Maybe I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I have to push.” And so I was on the toilet when this all happened.

It was interesting, because there was a lot of external indications of “No, you have a ways to go. There's no one here.” So my mind was very much in a skeptical space. But my body was doing what it does, pushing this baby out, in partnership with my daughter. She was making her way down very, very quickly, in a matter of three pushes. I reached down and felt her head and that confirmed everything. “The baby’s here, Charlie, get into position.”

He was right next to me able to slide into position to catch her before she fell in the toilet. It was a beautiful 15 hours, from beginning, when my water first broke, to birth. And then we had this precious nine minutes as a family, before the midwives did arrive to support with the birthing the placenta and everything from there.

It was this miracle in a sense that we got what we wanted, having this special sacred moment as a family.

And the human body is amazing. Period.

Bobbie Breckenridge  15:29  

The human body is amazing. I also want to take a moment to acknowledge how amazing you are for being someone who created a pregnancy and an environment in which that could happen, with a relative amount of peace. And to acknowledge Charlie for being such an extraordinary partner, and for you all going to your birth classes, and understanding everything that you would need to understand to have that moment without the support of — most of our society is still going to the hospital and having a huge team of doctors and nurses and machines and fluorescent lights, and the whole nine, and you all chose to do something that is less common. And you're able to create this moment of having this birth happen, just the three of you, and starting off your journey as a family in such a magical way.

Emily Race  16:47  

Thank you. For our listeners who don’t know, Bobbie was with throughout my pregnant journey, as a supporter for me getting into these new ways of practicing self care and slowing down.

What's interesting is, by the time I was in labor, it had been rewired in my body that when it's time to rest, you rest and you just say “Okay, I'm going to receive this opportunity to rest.” When it's time to push, literally or figuratively, when it's time to be in action, then you go with that energy and not to try to force it any other way.

What's interesting is that was in my labor experience, I was able to surrender so deeply in to rest when it was time that I fell asleep. And then I was able to activate the active part of me when that was time, so much that it moved quickly.

The biggest disclaimer here is, I don't know what parts of that actually did influence the outcome of the birth versus what was just the cards we were dealt. I've listened to so many birth stories since then, where it's clear that, yes, there are the factors of what you plan and how you prepare, and then there's so much that is out of your hands.

I feel very grateful for the way our story ended up. And I just want to say to any mamas listening out there, there's nothing that's anyone's fault, if it doesn't go the way you had planned or intended. There's an opportunity and a gift in whatever your story is.

Bobbie Breckenridge  18:21  

That's beautiful. As a woman who has never been interested in birth — I was not interested in playing with baby dolls when I was growing up, it just has never seemed like something that was meant for me — I have continually been in awe of watching women, be pregnant, give birth and then become mothers managing everything — this world, and this life is so filled with important things to do, whether that's making money or running a household or taking a child up all the subway stairs in New York City while also holding groceries and managing an older child at the same time.

I've always been really blown away at the whole process, and equally sort of negatively blown away by how little respect our society has had, up until recently. I would say that this is even still something that's being, no pun intended, “birthed” into the world now, which there hasn't been an extraordinary amount of respect for mothers in the US for a very long time.

In my lifetime, it was looked down upon to be a stay at home mother, or this idea that nothing goes into pregnancy, it's just something that's happening to the woman anyway. I really see mothers as an interdimensional gateway, if you will, between wherever a soul comes from, and then gestating and then coming onto this planet. I really see it as this extraordinary interdimensional miracle, is what it looks like from over here, as someone that has not given birth to a child.

I'm really curious if you're open to kind of peeling back the curtain a little bit, what was your experience? Maybe this is a spiritual question.

Emily Race  21:05  

I want to dive into something you said around the lack of valuing motherhood. First, to touch on the podcast itself, the name “founding mothers”, has the word “mother” in it, and I was concerned that that would actually shut away listeners, people would say, “Oh, I'm not a mom, I'm not a woman, this does not pertain to me.” And for a while, I was trying to kind of disguise the true intention of this podcast, by being like, “Well, it's for everyone.” And the truth is, it is for everyone. But I also want to include mothers in the conversation.

If pull on where that the root of that fear came from, you are again, a huge support to me in this with our EFT sessions and whatnot, I had a lot of deeply ingrained beliefs around motherhood, that even though my heart and soul wanted to have a baby, and was so excited for this next chapter of pregnancy and beyond, I was also feeling a lot of shame, a lot of fear, a lot of like, self disgust about the idea that I would become someone completely different. I would now become, in society's eyes, a mother and not just a woman.

And my fears were that I'd be outcasted to the sides of society where these mothers collectively gather and are hidden heroes, but I wouldn't feel like a hero, I would just feel like an outcast. “I'm no longer important”. And there were so many other thoughts branching off of that.

It was interesting to see that they lived within me, and that I needed to be able to voice them first and foremost, so that I could be honest, this is something that I feel, or a part of how I feel. But as I expressed it, and then worked with you through our tapping sessions to reprogram a new thought, I found a lot of freedom in actually, one, choosing motherhood fully not resisting it, and then declaring that to be a mother is just as valuable, if not more valuable than some of these other roles I deemed important, like being a CEO or an entrepreneur. These were things I was placing on a pedestal. But instead, I saw there's just as much power in being a mother.

And what would it look like to have a society that also agreed with that statement? To go back to the vision question you asked me earlier, that's part of my personal vision, is a world where we are valuing and centering motherhood, in all the shapes that that takes,, with a lot of curiosity around what that would actually look like in practice. 

Bobbie Breckenridge  23:49  

Wow. One of the phrases that you used that really hit for me, is “hidden heroes”. My only perception of mothers being truly celebrated is in Indian culture. I'm sure there are other cultures throughout the world that do celebrate mothers as a society, I'm just not personally exposed to them. But I did travel in India pretty extensively, and I did see that reverence for mothers and motherhood.

But over here in the United States, it definitely has felt like the unsung heroes; even through the media that's created here and goes out to the entire world, with these tropes of “the wise mother who is not taking up a lot of space but always knows the truth, and is always trying to guide the husband who's not listening and putting the family in hot water all the time”, and then “the quiet, beautiful, majestic woman in the background, always supporting, always nurturing, always caring, and a lot of times, sacrificing her own personal happiness and comfort for the well being of the family at large.”

It brings to the fore even more, how extraordinary this podcast is, and how revolutionary it is to put women at the center, and specifically mothers at the center, and to really celebrate mothers and motherhood, because it is exquisite, it is an extraordinary task. It can be done very poorly, and it can be done super magically. And whether it is done “not that great”, for mothers who may be struggling with addiction or any other trauma, or whether it is being done “super magically”, in any of those cases, to me, it is always a miracle.

When I look at how much it is for me to just manage my own life, it's sometimes quite overwhelming. So seeing mothers always doing their best, even though “best” looks different for different people, has really been super mind blowing.

I know you're just at the beginning, really of your journey of motherhood. Once you had conceived and knew you were pregnant, your entire pregnancy, your birth process, and now being a new mother, a nursing mother. I'm curious, what have you learned so far from your journey?

Emily Race  27:07  

What's interesting about that question, too, is yes, there's so many things that mothers are doing in their role and why we want to value them for what they're doing.

But even who you're being shifts through the initiation into motherhood. That's been the biggest learning for me, is a shift in my beingness. I am no longer identifying with the person that's doing all these things, has the to do list like flowing up the wazoo, checking off all these boxes. I really am finding a new space of freedom, where my day is filled with being in each moment by moment, whatever that brings. Because my daughter is not on a schedule. She hasn't yet been conditioned by our society's way of doing things. If she's hungry, then she's hungry, and I feed her and I stop whatever I'm doing to do that. And if she wants to rest and take a nap, then maybe I have a little more freedom to journal in that moment, or do a podcast if my husband's with her or whatnot. So I feel like my relationship to time has completely altered to being able to just go with the flow, not resist it, or try to control it, and then find the gift in each moment as it presents itself.

It sounds so nice and lofty. If you're hearing this as a mom, you might be like, “Oh, yeah, I've been there before”, or you may feel like “No, I struggle to get to that space”. Because there's, again, a lot of programming out there that's like, “You need to get your baby on a sleep schedule. You need to maintain your old life while you are this mother” rather than a conversation about, “What does it look like to have your life evolve to fit this child in it? And have you be reborn and discover who you are now rather than trying to be who you were before?”

So yeah, my biggest learnings have been around the being. And I would have liked to have said “Oh, I now have more of a care for the world around me now that I have a daughter and I can see the impact of future generations differently”. But the truth is, I felt that way before; maybe that solidified now that I know my daughter is going to live beyond me, and questioning “What kind of world are we creating for her?” Obviously, that's there.

Which is also part of the initial thought around this podcast. I have a theory that when someone becomes a mother or a parent of any kind, there is this realization of the world existing beyond your lifetime, and how can you be responsible for that world in a different way, because your child is now living in it. It's not just about you. So there's a theory there that from that place, we would create something very different, that is more supportive of future generations. 

Bobbie Breckenridge  30:18  

Wow. Have you learned anything about what you're personally capable of, having gone through this initiation? I imagine motherhood is a continual series of initiations, but where you are now?

Emily Race  30:45  

I feel like the right answer to that would be, “I'm capable of bringing a human life into the world and it's so amazing,” but it feels so natural to me. Maybe because I'm so close to it, there was a sense throughout the whole pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding now, that feels so natural, when I get out of the way and stop trying to control it. There's a real ease, and I’m in awe of that.

So, discovering that I am capable of getting out of my own way. In the past, I really kept trying to get on to a different cadence and rhythm and slow myself down and I would talk often about being in the same cycle as nature. And now I just am, which I guess is a product of that whole initiation. 

Bobbie Breckenridge  31:41  

Wow, beautiful. What has this journey taught you so far about your partner and partnership?

Emily Race  31:50  

If you are in a heterosexual relationship, and you're parenting together and raising a child, like I am, I'm finding and my partner is finding that there actually aren't many spaces for dads and men in the conversation around parenting in an empowering way. And instead, there's a lot of separation that we're noticing.

I actually think that could be probably traced back to like this mother wound around valuing mothers, because it then ripple effects onto the men. And there's not really a healthy way of empowering and valuing both of those roles.

The truth is, I don't how I would do any of this without my husband. I'm definitely capable. And I've surprised myself in many regards — my daughter and I did our first solo trip out in the world today, and it was fun and easy — but he brings a perspective and an energy that balances mine and creates a whole other realm of experiences for our daughter. He's able to cover things that I can't do at this time, whether it's focusing on the income, so I can be solely focused on her, or cooking a meal, so that I can be feeding her.

We have this beautiful dance, and it's going to evolve. That's back to that whole resistance thing. I was really resisting falling into stereotypical gender roles and being the stay at home mama while he works. I was like, “what about me and my work”, and what I came to realize through surrendering into what's needed, and what's available right now, is that we live many lifetimes in one lifetime. And there will be a time again, in the future, if I desire to go back to that old hustle of working around the clock. Or I may learn through this whole experience that I don't want that anymore.

That's where I am now is I don't have any desire to go back to what I was doing before. I'm inspired by where I am now. And I'm still creating. I'm creating this podcast, I'm writing, I’m expressing my voice with the world. I haven't disappeared, as I feared.

That's a long winded way of sharing that there's so much that I discovered inside the partnership, and the bottom line is how grateful I am to have one that is full of communication and support for one another. 

Bobbie Breckenridge  34:20  

When I first met you, I discovered that you were someone who, as as a co-founder of a company, it wasn't uncommon for you to be up until two in the morning doing emails. You were very about “getting it done” and as you referred to it, being in your masculine energy.

In this discovery of going with the flow, how is it that you are launching this podcast? How does it look different? To do something like launching a podcast and having editors and getting the music done and doing all the things that go along with actually creating something like this? How are you doing it differently now, as a nursing mother, than you would have done it in your old life?

Emily Race  35:20  

I was actually reflecting on that yesterday, because one thing that has changed is I'm no longer trying to cram as much as I can into one day. I've released this pressure that I put on myself to do as much as I possibly could in a 24 hour period of time. Instead, I don't even have a list of what I want to do that day. I know, in my mind, “these are things that I'd like to move forward”, but they will happen in their own timing.

With this podcast, I'm not trying to force a certain schedule with it, I have the intention of when I'd like this to launch and the number of episodes I'd like to have, but then I'm allowing that to happen on the timeline that it's meant to. There's so much more freedom and enjoyment in that, because there goes the anxiety and the timeline that's like creating that anxiety.

You mentioned the editor, and someone who's helping me with my branding; there's different people who are stepping up and playing roles. I'm not trying to do it all myself. That goes back to that element of asking for support and allowing people to step in and trusting that they will be able to bring their magic to it and having communication present when there's a misalignment. And that's needed. So that's also all happening.

I think the last piece is that I truly am getting joy out of this. It feels like I'm filling up my own cup each time I have a conversation for this podcast. And if it doesn't feel that way, then that's a moment to reassess, “What's not working here, what needs to change? Is this no longer something I want to focus on?” That last piece is about really listening to myself as the meter for the action.

Bobbie Breckenridge  37:06  

What you just shared was so revolutionary, that I just want to see if I've got it, because I feel like you just handed us a magic recipe. 

Emily Race  37:20  

Let's break it down.

Bobbie Breckenridge  37:21  

A revolutionary new recipe.

So it's having the intention of when you'd like things to happen, and all the numbers and all that kind of stuff that we're already used to. But then it's allowing it to happen on the timeline that it happens. And that the meter for success inside of each piece of it is “Are you enjoying it?” And the tool you're using to gauge that is listening to yourself, and really tuning in with “Is joy present inside of this?”, and if not, there's some sort of adjustment to be made so that it can be something that's filling your cup as you do it.

Emily Race  38:15  

Yeah. Thanks for sharing that back, because what comes to mind when you said that, is the time piece. I had to stop promising and committing to things on a tight, tight deadline.

Initially, in the old way of operating, I was very much like “Oh, I can get that done by tomorrow, no problem”. And it was this competition I was having with myself to see how quickly I could do things and prove to people “Emily's very efficient”, which is something that I was often rewarded for in corporate America.

And instead, where I'm operating from now — and maybe it comes with the understanding that I'm a new mom, so I'm not going to get back to you right away — but I am more in a space of, “No, this will happen sometime this season.” Making the timeline broader, so there's more space for that magic and for the new things to show up versus trying to beat some personal record around it.

Bobbie Breckenridge  39:12  

Mhm. Yeah. I have found in my experience of knowing you, I've discovered how innovative you are with your life. And at the time that you were identifying “Okay, I am up often emailing till two in the morning and it's really not working.”, and then your realization was that it was time to radically change this and you became someone who had this radical autoresponder that said— and this is as a co-founder of a company— that you're only answering emails from 10 to 11am", and if people had any questions about that they could read this article you had written on medium about why that was.

Seeing you, also in your partnership, realizing that the digital world was taking over in ways for yourself personally and your social life in all these different ways, and then you all took on doing a tech Shabbat, where there was no technology present from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown, which is also to me very mind-blowing and inspiring, and something that I feel like we could all learn from you about.

Since we're on this conversation of motherhood, specifically, how do you see yourself already doing motherhood differently than you were raised to do it?

Emily Race  41:03  

You're bringing up the technology piece and what is coming to mind is, that’s actually how I was raised. I was not raised with a cell phone, they didn't exist that time. My mother gave me so many books to read at a young age. I was raised as a child who played in nature, who read a lot of books, who was writing books, when I was seven years old, who was playing music, piano, dancing, expressing myself creatively with my body, There were unlimited possibilities of how I could express myself. And my mom was and is a very creative person herself. She was always there to facilitate whatever my sister or I needed to express ourselves creatively; taking theater lessons, my sister did Irish step dancing.

And so I actually am cherishing and holding on to that experience as something I want to preserve, now that we exist in a digital age where it would be so easy for me to hand my daughter, an iPad, or just turn on the TV and entertain herself that way. And there may be times in places for that. But when you talk about the tech Shabbat, that's an example of us starting to be who we want to be as parents way before the baby even showed up. We knew as parents in the future, we would want to experience life as a family without technology being the uniting force. And so how can we start practicing that now, so it’s just who we are when our baby arrives?

And to this day, I still have to catch myself being like, “Oh, I've been holding the phone in my hand a lot today”, and she's starting to notice these things, so how can I maybe shift my behavior a little bit?

So I actually have to give a lot of credit to my mom, because she modeled in many ways how I want to mother my child.

Bobbie Breckenridge  42:56  

I love that. Is there any way that you see society at large going wrong in the realm of motherhood, either how it's perceived by others, or how it's typically done?

Emily Race  43:16  

This is where I feel a little controversial and risky of sharing this, because this is just my personal perspective, and I'm still discovering how I feel about it. I may change my tune at some point, and I want to also leave space for all the different ways that motherhood shows up for people, out of necessity or choice, because the last thing I want to do is alienate myself from other mothers or make anyone wrong. We really need each other.

But all of that to, I'm noticing that we could benefit from over correcting or correcting a bi, out of this feminist wave of getting equality between men and women and then the rise of women in the workforce — which I think is so important, and I am very grateful for the women who came before me who fought for that — there's almost as if we overshot a bit and are forgetting that there is a value in us also being home with our families, and that the care of another, like a hired caregiver is not the same as the care from ourselves as the mother or the father, whatever parent.

What I think it really stems down to for me is, I had to fight this idea that my value really only exists if I’m a mom who is also working with XYZ title, and that I'm not going to die and disappear if I'm just focusing my energy on caregiving primarily. I found so much freedom in that already. And I see an opportunity for other mothers to find that freedom as well.

But it involves untangling from this capitalist promise of “If you work really hard, you're going to be someone”, and instead being like, “I am valuable just as I am, I don't need to prove it through my job title, and whatever LinkedIn profile I have”.

There's a lot there; feel free to dig in deeper, because I even feel myself holding back because “I want to say this the correct way”, I don't want to alienate anyone in this conversation, I'm still discovering what I mean here. But there is definitely a strong core of truth that I'm sinking into.

Bobbie Breckenridge  45:49  

I appreciate your desire to have this be a unifying conversation, and for all mothers who may be listening to feel respected, regardless of what their choices are, even if they're doing a 60 hour work week, and a nanny is taking care of their child a majority of the waking hours.

I 100% get your commitment to being unified, and I love that. What I'm really getting from what you're saying is not an alienation of anybody who's doing it differently, but simply an expansion, that there is another dimension. Yes, we have the right to work, yes, we can choose to be in the office, six weeks after we give birth or whatever, we have the right, and the freedom to do that, if we so desire.

And if we so desire to stay home, and we have the financial privilege, which is a huge privilege, that's very rare and very special, if that does exist, that we have the setup to stay home, whether it's with our extended family, or because we have a partner that supporting us or whatever, we can have the freedom to do that, and respect ourselves and be respected in society as doing our destiny. 

Emily Race  47:22  

Yeah. 

Bobbie Breckenridge  47:23  

And what fulfills us. That's really what I'm getting from what you're saying, 

Emily Race  47:28  

Yeah, I appreciate that. And I want to clarify, too — this is something when we're up at night with Noa, Charlie and I talk about this often and pick it apart — because really, if anything, if I had a critique. it’s on society itself, and how it's structured, where in many instances you need both partners, both people to be working to be able to afford your home. And the fact that a “cost of living” is even a thing, and that it takes so much that it takes us away from our families.

I also believe, not just the mother, but the father, or the other parent, plays such an important role. I would love to see a society where it's shaped that both parents, both caregivers, can be there with their children and not be struggling to fit in hours here and there around their work schedules. I think that's because so much value is being placed on the dollar, how to make that money, and out of survival. We're caught in this cycle.

But I really am envisioning a different society where the family is at the center, and then everything is in support of that, because we all come from a family of some kind, and that's the root of everything.

And yes, the mother, if we're to focus on the mother's role, the mother's role is so important. Yes, it can be replaced by different caregivers, and everyone has an important perspective to add to the child's development, but that mother connection, I think is of utmost importance. And I think it's important for the mother's mental health and well being as well to be able to maintain that connection and not be separated, having to pump your milk so that you can leave your child. There are hormones at play when you're breastfeeding, if you're choosing and are able to breastfeed — another thing that not everyone's able to do, but if you can — that's benefiting the mother as much as the child.

Long ramble, but I feel like I always go back to the question of “what is a natural organic way of this unfolding?” And then we look at all the ways that corporations and mankind has interfered with the natural way and we've almost become more comfortable in what's unnatural, rather than what's organically natural.

That's something you would hear a lot in this podcast; a lot of the people who I interview, bring it back to nature. It's interesting how much that's a theme.

Bobbie Breckenridge  49:57  

Mm, that is so interesting as a theme. It's interesting to consider that before money was invented, before time was cut into these brutal increments of second long increments, nature was the provider of all the things. Your job was to gather the things to eat and to create the shelter, and to have all of those things, and then all of those things were shared in community. It makes sense that those ways of being are seen in nature.

As we conclude this inaugural episode of Founding Mothers, what can listeners look forward to in what's being offered to them in this very groundbreaking series?

Emily Race  51:06  

You can look forward to a variety of topics and experts and perspectives, because this is about looking at our society through that mother lens, but we're not focused on only one aspect of society. Everything from our food systems to our educational systems, to what postpartum care looks and how do we nurture that mother?

And again, t's not just through the lens of someone who is a mother, but really, for anyone who exists in society, how could your society look different from this mother lens?

I'm excited to introduce all these amazing speakers to everyone. Everyone brings such a unique perspective to this conversation, and I left every conversation filled up with inspiration, could not stop talking about it for weeks. So that's something to look forward to.

Bobbie Breckenridge  52:05  

Thank you so much, Emily Race-Newmark for founding this magnificent new addition to our listening. And thanks for inviting me to interview you.

Emily Race  52:18  

Thank you. And I want to acknowledge you, Bobbie Breckenridge, for being the space for this podcast to be born.

In the birthing world, you have doulas and midwives, and you were that for me with this podcast. You asked the right questions and held the space as my coach for me to give myself permission to try this.

And for anyone listening who has had an idea but you're not really sure how to start it and “what are the first steps I should take?” There was a time when I couldn't even imagine how to start a podcast, and now I'm 12 episodes and counting in, and it feels like the most natural thing, as if I've done it my whole life.

So that I have to credit a lot of that to Bobbie. If you want her support in bringing a dream to fruition, she is your woman.

Bobbie Breckenridge  53:06  

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for that acknowledgement, and I imagine any sort of links to connect with me are going to be included in the description of this podcast.

Emily Race  53:21  

Absolutely. Because again, the core essence of what we're doing here is creating a space to dream and creating a space where we can have vision and have permission to let that exist, versus only focusing on the can’ts and the shoulds and the don'ts and the won'ts.

That is a space that you've again held for me, but I hope to hold for anyone who's listening to this.

Show Notes

Follow Bobbie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovebreckenridge/ 

Learn more about group and 1-on-1 coaching with Bobbie: https://www.livingyourdreamcoach.com/ 

Listen to Clit Talk: https://clittalkshow.com/ 

Follow Founding Mothers on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/founding_mothers_podcast/ 

Contact Emily: emily@founding-mothers.com 

If you enjoy the show, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.