Full Transcript of this episode:

Emily Race  0:12  

Welcome to the Founding Mothers Podcast, where we're imagining new ways of living with one another and our planet. I'm your host, Emily Race. Today's conversation is with Tamara Iglesias. Tamara is the founder of Wellynest, a conscious parenting coaching brand that's dedicated to raising whole beings from the very beginning, through the conscious parents own self healing journey home. 

Tamara Iglesias  0:34  

Many of us come from that top down parenting, “You'll do this because I said so, you'll respect me because I said so, you'll listen to me because I said so.” Versus, what about, “You're gonna listen to me because I've listened to you your whole life, you're gonna respect me because I've respected you on the deepest level, that is the only energy you know, and how to respect another person.”

Emily Race  0:55  

Her mission is to shift the way children are raised by bringing the awareness of self into parenting, along with childhood trauma, limiting beliefs, ancestral wounds, and more. As parents, when you heal yourself, you can heal your children and ultimately heal the world. Tamara's own healing journey has inspired this elevated conscious parenting approach for families to shift their relationship to themselves and their children like she's doing every day with her own little girl. 

Welcome Tamara, I'm so happy to have you with me for this conversation. We've known each other for some time, and I think the listeners are going to really benefit from all that you have to offer. Thank you for being here.

Tamara Iglesias  1:32  

Of course, thank you for having me. Such an honor and a pleasure.

Emily Race  1:37  

Do you mind starting by sharing a bit about who you are, and what Wellynest is?

Tamara Iglesias  1:43  

I'm a Divine Being, I'm a mama. I'm solo mama. I have an eight year old, almost nine year old little girl who is the light of my life and my Divine Teacher, and actually the inspiration behind my company Wellynest.

Wellynest is a conscious parenting coaching brand. As much as that is the brand, what conscious parenting is from my work and my perspective, it's the journey home. It's the journey home to ourselves. It's coming back into the remembrance of who we truly are. It's remembering our worth, it's coming back into our wholeness, it's realizing that we are worthy because we exist, and feeling safe to trust ourselves, respect ourselves, honor ourselves, support ourselves.

And then through this embodiment of our own self healing journey, we gift this to our children through the raising of their wholeness, through the raising of their authentic selves, through removing the old paradigms of discipline, guilt, shame, in parenting, to shift to a new paradigm, where we are empowering our children to stay in the remembrance of who they truly are, so that they can step into and stay in their highest expression of their whole self, their soul self.

I give tools along the way, like “What does respectful parenting look like?” “What do healthy boundaries look like?” “How do you cultivate independent play?” “How do you have a healthy relationship to your own nervous system to help with the regulation and the growth of your child's nervous system?” And all the things in between the brain development, the conscious language, the how are we programming the neuro pathways in our child's brain, so that they have the mantras of liberating belief systems, “I am worthy”, “I am valid”, “I am significant”, “I am lovable”, running on repeat versus, “I'm not good enough”. “I'm never gonna make it”. “I'm a failure”, “I can't do it, they can do it better”.

I look at these big universal belief systems that we have, like “girls are cute” and “boys can't cry”, and “you're not worthy if you don't do this much” and I shatter those. Then I give my families the tools to shift the entire foundation of belief system so that they are liberating, so they are connected to source and divine truth.

Because that's essential. We all have a divine truth. We know what the truth of Mama Earth and the universe is, and so we're just coming back.

The greatest compliments I've ever received from my my clients are, “Tamara, when you speak, it awakens of remembrance within my being that I know is there and I just forgot.” So it's these teachings; I don't claim them as mine. They come through me, through my own self healing journey, to be connected to this universal divine truth. And then I get to be an expression and embodiment to teach this and model this and be this in my own life.

Emily Race  5:20  

I feel the reverberations of that remembrance as you're sharing, I'm like, “Oh my gosh, how impactful that can be for the future generations, the generations that are being born today.”

I had a conversation recently on this podcast with someone about inheritance and what we inherit, and here you are, giving this gift of inheriting something better and bigger, remembering who we are and having children understand that from the beginning. So, so powerful.

I'm really curious, what has been your journey to this work? You mentioned your daughter, and your own spiritual journey. What else colored that journey?

Tamara Iglesias  6:09  

The biggest influence of this work has been my own healing journey, my spiritual journey to coming back home to myself.

I had a pretty intense childhood, a pretty painful childhood, a good amount of trauma and abuse, and it was through healing that that was the inspiration that I wanted to gift this freedom to as many other beings as possible.

My life kind of crashed and burned at nineteen. My whole life, from a straight A high school student, scholarship college athlete, from the outside looking in, “Whoa, great, epic life.” And then “Boom”, all the pain and trauma and suffering bubbled up at 19. That's where it crashed and burned.

And I was always different. I asked questions that my friends weren't asking, I came home, I would cry to my mother from feeling this heaviness in my body. Even when people were unkind, I felt it in my body, I was this little empathic psychic being that grew up in a family that didn't know how to cultivate that as well and experiencing all the abuse and the trauma. And I am so grateful for all of that. I fully feel that that was my journey, I chose this, I chose to repeat this last cycle of abuse in my lineage and my family to break the cycle.

I even had like a psychic intuitive download when I was still working on Wall Street. I was in meditation and the message came through, “You're having a little girl, if you don't heal the cycle of abuse, you're gonna pass it on to her, now's the time.” And that was four years before she was born. So I had been working on my own self healing from 19 to 20s. I got this message around 28 or something, so it was four years before Scarlet was born. 29

I was like, “Okay, it's go time.” That's when I went for the deeper work, what's underneath. There's the work on the outside, whatever we're healing from, and then as you peel those layers away, you get closer and closer to those roots. And then when you're able to pull up the roots, and really be like, “No more, this will not live in my family, this will not live in my lineage. This will not go on for generations, it stops here.” In so many of those familial cycles, that was my work. And I feel so grateful.

And people look at me like, “Wait, you forgiven your abuser? You're grateful for them, you have love for them?” and yeah, that's such a deep part of the work that I do, is forgiveness work. That is the gateway to freedom. It is absolutely the gateway to freedom. When we go deep, it comes back to forgiveness, because ultimately we forgive other people in our life to forgive ourselves for the role that we play, that we needed them to play, to ultimately forgive ourselves. It’s like a three tier forgiveness process.

Emily Race  9:26  

Three tier forgiveness process. It's so true, because I can visualize it as you're describing, that to break this cycle, forgiveness is a new energy, a new element brought into the cycle, to heal it. Otherwise, it is repetitive. It has all of the same stuff in it.

I also got chills when you describe this download you received before your daughter even arrived, because I share a similar experience. When I initially met you years ago, I was on a healing path around my eating disorder, and I am so clear now that that created the space for me to be a mother, and for her to show up. I wanted to touch on that. It's really powerful when we have the ability to listen to these messages that we're receiving, and to trust them, and how they all connect at some point down the line.

Tamara Iglesias  10:17  

Our children can be our teachers and our healers. You and I had a similar but different journey'; I had an eating disorder from 12 to 19, hence, my life falling apart, and I had healed from the eating disorder. Yet there was still a tiny bit of this emotional eating going on in my being before I was pregnant, and the moment I got pregnant, everything aligned in my body. It just disappeared. It was like having my girls soul in my being, just changed — I don't even know what it was, but all of a sudden, it was like, “I'm having a little girl. My thoughts, my words, my actions are going to create the way she thinks and feels about herself. I will not, self hate myself, I will not self sabotage myself, I will not be against myself anymore. I will look in the mirror and see the magic and the beauty of the being that I am.”

And my gift was, I didn't look like anyone in my family growing up. The joke was I was adopted. And here I birth a daughter who looks almost exactly like me. Talk about forced into the self love healing journey. She's divine magic. So I had to come back into the remembrance of, so am I.

This is such a powerful message for mothers with daughters. The way you look at yourself — they feel us more than they hear us, especially our young children. You know, you and your daughter Noa, are still so connected. You're sharing a nervous system right now. In utero, too, you were programming her initial beliefs.

Not to guilt or shame us and make us feel bad. Because wherever we are, in our journey, we can shift a belief. And the healing goes up and down the line. So there's no space for guilt or shame. Like, “Oh, my God, it took so long.” I've worked with clients who have 19 and 21 year old daughters, and she was able to heal her relationship with her daughter's. There is divine timing. It's divine perfection. When you show up on this journey, that's when you are meant to show up, and everything else is ego and meant to keep a small and suffering because that's the underlying program. 

Emily Race  13:03  

Right? I want to add a note that for listeners who maybe are fathers or identify differently as parents or don't have daughters, that your work encompasses all forms of parenthood and children at all stages, correct?

Tamara Iglesias  13:19  

Yeah, absolutely. Because as a caregiver, we're looking at parents, nannies, teachers; this is a model right? It’s imprinting. Imagine all the little chicks and they see their Mama chickens. I don't know the words for it, but it's all imprinting. Yes, we are the majority imprint, the caregivers at home, but it goes beyond that. What are they learning at school? Are they being honored and respected? Are they being shamed? And it's so little for something to come in, like your grandmother makes one comment, “Oh, wow, did you like put on weight? You're looking full sweetie”, and then boom, all of a sudden, shame.

Emily Race  14:09  

How do you address that aspect? Because there is something to be said for being raised in a communal setting and all the different perspectives one can gain from that, but then also as a parent, you don't really have control over what perspectives are being brought in. How would you address that in the work that you're doing?

Tamara Iglesias  14:29  

Yeah, I think it's a combination of trusting that the foundation you are laying, the beliefs that your family has, the values that you're instilling through your boundary — trust the boundary, because when we hold on too tightly, we suffocate.

We know control takes us down the wrong path anywhere in life. The control, the fear, the worry, we're not in divine truth and we're not in divine trust. But there's also putting in the work.

I'm sure you're experiencing this and will with Noa, conscious parenting takes more work upfront. I for sure put more work on the front end. But then it got easier and easier and easier, and motherhood was easy for the most part, when it came to my daughter. Life was intense, being a solo mother and providing and wanting to be a full time mother and all of that; I had my stuff.

But this not to be like, “Oh, motherhood was easy for her”, as we have the opportunity to expand our belief system around parenthood. It doesn't have to be hard. There is such a program of what people want you to believe that is then going to create your reality.

“Terrible twos.” Nope, didn't exist. “Three-nagers.” No, didn't exist. Two was my probably favorite year with my daughter.

Yeah, it may happen. Divine acceptance; that may be your journey. And it may not. If you're not holding that other end of that belief spectrum, you're limiting yourself and your family and your child and you're setting them up to fail.

Emily Race  16:24  

I feel so good personally hearing you say this, and also for anyone else, who I hope feels that same bit of relief. My husband and I talked about it often we're like, “Why does it have to be this way?” And that comes from a way that we think about everything, is “Why does it have to be?”

It feels critical that you are bringing these types of conversations to parents, because parents are in many ways, the gatekeepers to their children's experience. And the children are our future. That's how I see it.

I would love to get more into your vision for the world. What do you see the ideal outcome of what the world could look like through this work?

Tamara Iglesias  17:07  

Real quick, before I answer that, can I say one thing that I think is so powerful to what we're talking about?

There's this undercurrent of meeting in the trauma, meeting in the drama, meeting in the “everything that's not going the way you want it to go”. And then the people that are living the lives of their dreams, often hold back, because they don't want to make other people feel bad. But we have the opportunity to not only hold space for one another when we're in the intensity, when we're in processing the trauma, where we're in those low shadow points, but to celebrate all of the the magic in our lives, and to share that and to know that that is expanding everyone else that can even see an aspect of themselves in you.

And essentially, when we get deep into this work, there's an aspect of us in everyone. We all can give this gift of, “Yeah, this is a hard time” and also, “Look at this magic and this win and this celebration” and to raise each other up and not have to meet in the drama, and the shadow, and the trauma only if that makes sense.

Not the Instagram “put your best self first”. To celebrate, “I broke the cycle of abuse in my family. Yep.” And to celebrate that, and to shout it from the rooftops and to celebrate myself and honor myself and be excited about that. I did that. I'm amazing.

Even when I say that, there's a little part of me of that’s like, “Oh my god, I just said I’m amazing”, there's still an aspect of me that feels uncomfortable doing that. And I feel like we have an opportunity to shatter that, where we can be our own greatest cheerleader. When all of that self validation and self love comes from within. And we model that in a different level and a new way.

Which bleeds into the vision.

Emily Race  19:22  

One thing that comes to mind, because I hear different voices of what people might say as they hear these things, and I am totally on board with you. And I also am cognizant of a thing in our culture in the United States around “giving a medal to every student”, “everyone's a winner”, and I've heard criticism around that mentality.

I'm wondering, have you heard that critique? How does that fall within what you're saying? 

Tamara Iglesias  19:50  

I don't like when I hear you say that. That almost has nothing to do with what we're talking about, because this is within, this is celebrating who we are. This is celebrating, “Wow, I came back into divine truth, into my beingness and knowingness, and I honored myself, and I had this win.” I didn't have to be anyone else. I didn't have to achieve anything. I didn't have to put myself up on a pedestal. That's the doing.

What I'm talking about is the being, because it's about who we are. And I feel like we have an opportunity to celebrate that. If anything, we probably do celebrate what you're talking about, the medals and winning. It's totally different. It's celebrating the self healing journey. It's celebrating coming home to ourselves and sharing that with the world. So they can experience that too.

Emily Race  20:49  

What I'm hearing in that is, it's just really about wholeness, as you are. We could go on a whole tangent around the tension between the “being” and the “doing” and how much we reward “doing” in our culture here in the United States. It's all about productivity, and what test score you get, and all of that. So, thank you for clarifying that.

Tamara Iglesias  21:10  

And I teach that in my work. How do we celebrate their beingness?

I'll just say one simple thing is, make sure as a parent, as a caregiver, as a model, that in the moments of nothingness, that is when you are expressing your greatest love to your child. You just ate dinner, you're doing nothing, you're just sitting there enjoying at the end of the day, and you look into your child's eyes, and you say, “Have I told you today how much I love you? Have I told you today, what a joy it is to be your mother? I love you for who you are, just as you are. Thank you for being you.”

They didn't do anything, they didn't achieve anything. They didn't draw anything, they didn't build anything, they just were, and for that they are worthy of your love. If you instill that into your child, which leads right into my vision for the world, we will have a different world. We will.

Emily Race  22:15  

Do you want to expand on that and share more about the vision?

Tamara Iglesias  22:21  

My vision for the world is that we all come back into this remembrance. What I just spoke to you about, that we are able to say that and receive that. Every being on the planet.

Because if we are in that place of being able to receive that divine love, and give that divine love, and know our worthiness at the core of our being, we will have a different world. In every single way. We will have a different level of abundance for every family in the world, we will have a different level of connection for every family in the world. Our society stems from the family. It's the families that grow into the world, it's not the businesses and the corporations, it's the families. From the families grow the CEOs, grow the farmers, grow the advocates, grow the change makers. I believe my daughter is going to change the world.

Emily Race  23:27  

The health care workers, the teachers. We could spew it all. Our society.

Tamara Iglesias  23:32  

Exactly. It stems from the family.

What is happening is so much of that family wound is being played out in society. We see it in violence and aggression and self sabotage and mental health and all of these things. Right? What if we could come back, if we could honor the family unit in a way to give these caregivers and these parents and these families the opportunities to come back to their true self, to their worthiness, to know it, to never forget it, to stay in the remembrance of it?

I've been doing this work for 22 years. And I feel so close. It's like I can taste it. that true bliss consciousness, really truly loving myself and honoring myself and removing my blockages. Because it's just me, in my own way. And this is some of the hardest work on the planet, realizing “Oh my goodness, I chose this journey. I chose that abuse. I chose all of this.”

It can be so much and the people that love me so much, they’re like “No, you didn't. You couldn't have brought that.” And I'm like I did, and that's okay. I'm in divine acceptance of it. Because if I think someone did that to me, I'm a victim. And how am I whole, if I'm a victim?

I chose it, I got to move through it, I got to heal it. And I get to experience life in this way where I have so much love in my heart and my being. And I've had moments in my life of literally not being able to access a negative thought towards another person. And that is where I want to live. I've had periods of time, I've even had weeks, where I saw the world in a different way.

Imagine if all the leaders, all the people, everyone — because really, the leaders are down here, we just don't give them the credit, that's where the leaders are — but every being, felt that way. It would all be different. 

Emily Race  25:49  

What you're saying about the victim identity — we could talk about all the different forms of identities that we get attached to, or stuck on and I've thought about this with addiction, for example. If you're an addict, then there's no other space for you to be.

Just emphasizing that point, about that wholeness of who we are as a person, and the unlimited possibilities that exist within that.

You just did a great job of painting the big, big vision of what could be possible for the world. It's almost a utopia, like, “Wow, that would be so amazing to be a part of”, and we can access it in bits and pieces now.

What would that look like on the smaller family unit scale? What's the vision for the family? Because I agree with you, that the family is the root of everything.

Tamara Iglesias  26:48  

How big can we dream here? You know, we talked about this for a moment before we hopped on. Our priorities are in an interesting place right now. We prioritize getting back to work as soon as possible. We prioritize the corporations; the mothers, the fathers, the parents are not supported. Fathers — we could have an entire podcast on how fathers are put second. 

Emily Race  27:28  

Thank you. Yes.

Tamara Iglesias  27:30  

And I get goosebumps. They are not the babysitter, they are not the stand-in, they are not the come second. There's such a way to honor everyone's role as sacred. We all have the divine masculine and the divine feminine in us. Everyone can give both aspects of that role.

And yes, we also look at so many different families; some mothers are carrying their children, some mothers are adopting their children, some fathers are adopting; if we put one on a pedestal, we're hurting the family dynamic.

I speak of fathers, because I don't feel like they are valued in the way we have the opportunity to value them from the very beginning, and because of that, there are belief systems that get passed down in the father lineage of, “Oh, I'll connect with my child when they can walk”, “I couldn't bond with them until they could talk”. This is what we're programming into the men that are stepping into that role. And we have an opportunity to look at that.

And then we look at the mothers, how much pressure are we putting on the mothers to sacrifice themselves, to give everything to their child? Where are the conversations of how to nurture a relationship, if you're in partnership, through the parenthood journey? Where are we in society where we are pushing media and iPads on babies?

I know some people may not like my stance on it. I've raised my daughter, no media. She's almost nine. And she has survived with no media. We don't own a TV, we don't own an iPad, she doesn't have any screen time. And she's thriving. It is not needed. We have an opportunity to come back and connect to nature and support our families so they don't feel like they have to use media. Because that's the programming too.

But it all comes from the mindset shift. “Oh, we're gonna go do this adult thing, my kid needs to be entertained. I'm going to give them the iPad.” No; what you're about to do is most likely magic for your child, as long as you bring them in and include them and honor them and witness them and speak to them in the first person and invite them into the situation and believe that they're capable of being a part of your dynamic, beautiful family life that is uniquely yours.

My daughter can sit through — I mean, you saw, she came to goddess temple with us years ago, all adult women, totally fine sitting there. You never saw her on a phone or an iPad or anything.

Emily Race  30:26  

No tantrum, nothing. 

Tamara Iglesias  30:29  

Yeah, nothing. She didn't even get upset. She didn't cry. Nothing.

I don't even believe in tantrums. I don't use that word. It's just children having really big feeling. And asking for help, the only way they know how. That is how children— from birth, they cry to speak. Yes, they're speaking. We have an opportunity to be okay with all the different ways that they're speaking to us. It's the foundation of being okay with all the different emotions they're gonna bring to us when they grow up. “I can handle your anger, I can handle your rage, I can handle your sadness, I can handle your ecstasy and your joy and I can love you no matter what.”

Emily Race  31:10  

I got really fired up on the whole conversation around rethinking the roles of the parents. Part of me wants to go deeper into that, because it really does start there.

I have personally been very frustrated by this throughout my pregnancy, and now in the early stages of parenthood, because my partner, my husband, is very much the opposite of what the programming says he should be. He's very present and very involved. And Noa at times, will only be calmed down by him. So it's clear that there is an energy, and a role that he's playing that is so important. But we have seen time and time again that he's excluded. Friends and family are like, “What do you mean, she wants you to hold her? What do you mean, you're staying up at night?” And so we're seeing all this separation and division.

I bring that into the conversation because I feel it so personally, and I am curious, what do you see as the solution to that, or the new way that this could look?

Tamara Iglesias  32:22  

This also goes so deep into feeling like we have the opportunity to support our men as much as we support our women, right? There's so many healing circles for women and support groups for women and Goddess temples and self care work and self love work.

And we're seeing the rise, you know, the divine masculine, and them being supported, too. I was just watching this beautiful replay from John Wineland — he does men's work— and there's such an opportunity for our men to have the support, too. They brought up such a beautiful point that right now in our society, so often when it is a male female relationship— or even maybe “feminine masculine”, I guess it goes beyond gender too — that it has become the feminine role to support the masculine on their healing journey.

And that's out of alignment, right? Because we are meant to support our own healing journey. And yes, be supported by our partner. But we also have, many women have women groups holding them. Where are the dad groups? Where are the men's groups? Where are the dads circles, where the dad take their babies to the place? There is where the dads can come in place of a mom, but where's the actual containers for the dads? Where's the support for the dads? Where are the courses?

I just had a single dad go through my certification program last year. I’ve even had a man who wanted to prepare for fatherhood take one of my 12 week conscious parenting journeys. He wasn't even a dad yet. He just wanted to prepare. Where's that conversation?

Emily Race  34:27  

And celebrating that, right? Like what you're saying, “Okay, it exists. These are examples.” I think that's so important to highlight.

Tamara Iglesias  34:34  

You spoke in the beginning how a lot of stuff came up for you when you were pregnant, which I see so often, right? Even the stuff that we thought we were beyond, it resurfaces, because it's like, “Do you really have a new belief system? Did you really heal from this? Did you really evolve from this? Are you living in the embodiment of the version that you want to be now for your child?” That comes up so much in pregnancy. Is the father in this scenario that we're talking about doing it as well? Are they going back and looking at their inner child, looking at their little boy, beginning to revisit the things that hurt and wounded them in childhood? Is that a part of the conversation?

I believe there's such an opportunity to weave this work into the childcare, the birth education. For nine months, we're more or less talking about “What's the baby going to need? How you're gonna get the baby out”. How about, what's your relationship going to look like? How are you going to support each other? Have you looked at your shadow self? What was your childhood like? What are the beliefs that you're carrying that came from the mother line, the father line, the grandparents, whatever it is? And know that it can all be unique and different. I'm just categorizing it. Where is that conversation?

Most of my clients come to me between the 1-3 year mark, because all of a sudden, there's a disruption in the family flow, the child's not listening. There's yelling, they're hitting, they're biting; versus come to me before you conceive, right? Let's do the work there. Because it changes the conception, it changes the soul that chooses the family dynamic. You can elevate your family's experience, by the level of work that you're willing to do. How deep are you willing to go? And then how are you supporting and nurturing your relationship?

Have you and Charlie talked about your family values, what you want to instill in Noa and how you're going to begin doing that now? You're speaking to her! It's already in motion. You're talking to her. How are you communicating your values and your energy and your actions and your boundaries and your words, how you setting up your home, your family flow, your relationships, your dynamics, now?

And when that happens, the father, which we're just talking about now, feels that much more included versus so often, it's just like, “Oh, you're the mom, you choose. Oh, you're in charge of home, and I'll be working”. Let's all support one another, let's not have these compartmentalize things.

It's all choice as well. But when it comes to family, the values, this is a co-creation, if there is more than one parent in the home, it's a co-creation. Even if, like me, I'm co-parenting, right? I've been a single mother for seven years, and we have the same values, luckily, gratefully, we were in the same home to begin. And even though I'm not with my partner, because our relationship did not work, he was a very active father. I believe that you and I have similarity there. He was the one that got up in the middle of the night and changed her diaper for the first few months, he would take her when I would go on client or consulting things and be home with her and working from home.

I was the bigger role because I chose that and I wanted that, in time, but not in value. I put in more hours. But he was very included, we were co-parenting, even before we became separate home co-parent parents for our girl. And she has a beautiful bond with her dad, which is such a gift.I bet so many people can say, I mean myself too, emotionally. I don't know if my dad was there. And it makes us wonder, “Yes, I know, it's his own work, but how much space was created for him?” 

Emily Race  39:00  

Yeah, that's the question I always am thinking in all of this, it's what I'm reflecting on throughout my own journey. What you're sharing is there's this dual responsibility and opportunity in parenting. There's a responsibility you have, I believe, to ask yourself these questions and do this work, but it's also the biggest gift and opportunity for your own journey and life. You're getting so much out of that when you ask yourself these questions and do this work.

I know we're nearing the end of our time together but I wanted to quickly touch on, are there any stories you want to share around the impact you've seen on children of your clients or your own child? Through bringing this lens and this mindset in.

Tamara Iglesias  39:45  

Tthis is such a beautiful question because people listening to this may be like, “Oh my God, that feels like so much, I have so much trauma”, or “I've already done so much”, “We're already a yelling family”. This work can be instant.

Yes, it is an investment in time and energy. Once you start, you're going to want to keep going deeper, because you're going to see the ease, you're going to see the magic, you're going to see the grace.

I'm in my 12 week container right now; I just taught week seven last night. The stories from these families, every time I teach this container are, “My kids, they're not crying anymore. They're listening to me.” “It's not a battle anymore.” “I don't feel numb anymore. I'm allowing, I'm releasing”, “I'm realizing I've been a people pleaser my whole life”.

I could think of so many. To get to that root of awareness of, “Oh, my God, I've been operating on someone else's belief system my whole life and it's time to take back my power, reclaim my power, reclaim my worthiness, reclaim who I am”.

It can be so simple. It's this divine remembrance in us. And it can be something as subtle as when you slow down, and you look your child in the eye, and you learn to reconnect with them before you request something from them, versus just “go go go and ask” and then they have a meltdown, because they were doing something that they didn't feel seen. They didn't feel heard. They were building a structure and then they were just asked to leave, and they weren't even valued for all this epic work they just did to build this cool block structure. And then Dad’s calling them to go out the door versus “Oh, Bud, you were working on that for a while. You want to show me what you built?” What was that? 15 seconds. And then he responds and then say, “Okay, in about two minutes, it's going to be time to go to the park, and you'll get your shoes on. And I'll finish packing your snack and then we'll go”. And then you come back, “Bud, it's almost time to go. Are you finishing up? Are you wrapping up? You want me to help you get your shoes on?”

Simple things like that, that don't actually come intuitively, because many of us come from that top down parenting, “you'll do this because I said so”, “you'll respect me because I said so”, “you'll listen to me because I said so.” Versus what about, “you're gonna listen to me, because I've listened to you your whole life, you're gonna respect me, because I've respected you on the deepest level, that is the only energy you know, and how to respect another person, you're going to want to follow the boundaries, because this is what our family is about and you see me honoring my boundaries, and you see me honoring your boundaries, that of course, you want to honor my boundaries”.

It can also be instant. I use a bunch of different modalities in my work, Psych K being one of them, that can help you instantly reprogram the subconscious mind. We are so often operating on that 95% — the subconscious mind is 95% and the conscious mind is five. So we are operating on these deep programs that are running on repeat that we don't even know. It's like looking at the recorder, and hitting record and then play, and we press the stop button. We erase it and we record something new, and anything is possible.

I have yet to come to a family to a situation where change did not happen. And often it happens really quickly, because as soon as the belief changes, it's a rewiring. All of a sudden it's like “Whoa, I don't want to do that. I don't want to talk like that. I don't want to act like that. I don't want to model that”. Because it's a knowingness, it's inside you. It's inside me. It's inside all of us. So it's not something we need to search for outside of us. It's just the remembrance. It's like, “Oh, yeah. It can be that easy. It can be that simple. I'm going to allow that. I'm going to receive that.”

Emily Race  44:20  

Communication is playing such a key role; where you're communicating from starts with that belief and how you're being in the situation.

I did want to touch on that inquiry that we want to leave listeners with. You may have some folks who are parents and some folks who are not; what's the invitation you have for both groups who are listening?

Tamara Iglesias  44:44  

Psych K is for everyone. As a Psych K facilitator, if you are operating on any belief system that you do not feel is serving you, Psych K can help you shift and transform that to expand your belief system, because when you reprogram that limiting belief into that liberating one, all of a sudden the world changes. We think it's by what we do, but it's actually by what we believe. And when our beliefs change, everything else changes.

Our internal world is determining what we see and how we view the external world, and so until we own that as divine beings, we will continue to play that victim role. Any being on the planet can come work with me and do Psych K, especially if you're thinking about at any point becoming a parent. Do the work now so that your child doesn't have to.

Steiner Waldorf, where my daughter goes, there's such a belief that our children are actually playing out our karma. You'll have a lot of healers that won't work with children until 14, because so much of that work is the parent. It's so interesting, when I get a new client, and they're like, “My kids this, my kids that”, I'm like, “Okay, we'll see”. When I get the parent early on that's like, “I know there's something going on with me.” I'm like, “Okay, they're ready”. The other category, they get there, because then it's like, “Oh, my God, I see my role. I see how I co-created that. I see how I signed on that contract. I see how I signed the agreement”, because that is what we're doing in every relationship on the planet.

When you and Charlie got together, what you did initially in the beginning, you're forming nonverbal agreements. Part of you does this, part of you does this — agreement formed. And we do this with our children, too. When we go to change something, we have to honor what the agreement was, “Hey, I know this is what was going on. This is no longer working for me. Are you available for this?” Same goes with our children. If we just change a boundary, change a limit, and don't honor like, “Hey, I know I used to let you jump on the couch and now I'm saying I don't you to jump on the furniture”, you're changing the agreement. They get to be upset about it.

That's the whole part of boundaries. Yes, you follow through. Yes, you honor, but they get to feel however they want. And parents want to control the way children feel and respond to what they say because they often feel uncomfortable with their own emotional body. And this is where we set our children free, which we didn't talk about, but the two greatest ways to set our children free are to cultivate their creativity, independent play and magic, and to allow the freedom of their emotional body and expression. That is where they can have the greatest amount of freedom.

We set the boundaries, we set bedtime, we show up as their conscious, confident, clear leader, parent, and then we give them as much freedom as possible in those spaces. And I teach about that too.

So parents can come work with me privately in regular conscious parenting coaching and Psych K.

I offer a 12 week conscious parenting program, which the first four weeks, we dive into a masterclass on healthy boundaries, personal boundaries, family boundaries, communicating boundaries, big emotions around boundaries, and then the rest of the 12 week container’s so much about what we talked about: what is a conscious parent, inner child work, wholeness, communication, triggers, boundaries, big feelings, the brain, the nervous system, independent play, all of that.

I certify other conscious parenting coaches now, and that is either for the parent that wants to go so deep into their healing journey through that program; if you want to, you can set yourself free. It is the deep forgiveness work, the deep reprogramming. It is looking at the familial lines, it is looking at all the different belief systems and really choosing to heal yourself. The 12 week course is a prerequisite to the three months certification program.

I'll be hosting a retreat in Mount Shasta in June of 2023. You can come do the work live, up in the mountains. I'll be up there for three weeks this summer sitting and learning from the land. I'm actually going to do a personal retreat there to work with the land so that I can bring this work and the divine Mama Shasta through.

I put a lot of free content on Instagram on Wellynest. I'm taking a little breather this summer because of healthy boundaries. Solo mama healthy boundaries. But I'm coaching all summer so I'm available for that.

Emily Race  50:01  

Wow. Thank you for all of the ways that you are showing up and providing support to parents, to their children, to our world, really.

Is there any way that we can support you aside from the work that you're doing?

Tamara Iglesias  50:17  

Oh, my goodness. For all of us to commit to our own healing journey. That's the greatest work all of us can do on the planet. Because if everyone did that.

Emily Race  50:26  

Yeah, different world.

Tamara Iglesias  50:30  

Yeah. And to support each other on the self-healing journey. We're our greatest cheerleader, but I want to be your cheerleader. Be Charlie's cheerleader. I'm my girl’s cheerleader. And the more we give to ourselves, the more we have to give to all other beings.

I know that I'm here on this planet to serve and my opportunity is to find the greatest ways that I get to serve well. I'm here.

Emily Race  50:59  

Amazing. Well, thank you again for your time and for all of this inspiration. I hope that anyone listening to this found that remembrance. I know I did.

Tamara Iglesias  51:11  

Thank you so much.

Emily Race 51:15

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Founding Mothers Podcast. This podcast is produced and hosted by me Emily Race, and edited by Eric Weisberg. If you want to support the show, please leave us a rating or share this episode with the important people in your life. We'd also love to hear from you if you or someone you know would be a great guest to share about their vision for the world. You can email emily@founding-mothers.com or visit www.founding-mothers.com/podcast.